Written by dgwest7
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Topics: Insects, cockroach, GPS

Thursday, 19 February 2009

image for Micro-chipped cockroach causes havoc
Bernard the cockroach on his way to Washington

Shaun O.T. Seine read about USDA's National Animal Identification System (NAIS) in The Washington Stump, and decided that he would get his pet cockroach, Bernard, micro-chipped.

It took less than two weeks before Shaun, and thousands of others, became aware that micro-chipping had not been properly developed for use on cockroaches.

Due to the cockroach's remarkable ability to protect itself from all know catastrophes, Bernard followed the radio transmissions that were so irritating, found a wife and instructed her to lay her eggs in the radio transmitter, causing it to become defective, and to return erroneous messages.

The transmitter operator, Arfid Marconi, began to receive a picture of a mass migration of cockroaches towards Washington DC. He Googled "cockroach" and discovered that these brilliant creatures were not only able to identify each member of Congress that had voted for NAIS, but also to identify the house in which each Congress member lived.

As the warning messages from the RFID transmitter gradually took on a life of their own, Bernard continued to breed, and eventually his family infested every house in Washington, causing all residents to leave in panic. In the absence of all other life, the cockroaches took over the role of "Saviour of the World", and set up a One World Government, based in the White House, which had unfortunately turned to a dirty shade of brown as a result of cockroach excreta. Occupants of the White House have never been well-known for clearing up their own excrement.

It soon became apparent to the roaches that they needed a spokesman, so they chose Bernard, who immediately appointed the 7 year old Shaun as his Secretary for Human Relations.

Shaun said "At the inaugural luncheon of The New Congress, eight billion one dollar bills were consumed, and everyone said they had satisfied their hunger - but only for a short time. They were all expecting a similar feast for breakfast the next day.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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