Port of Los Angeles/ Shipping News - In a gesture of solidarity, recently acclaimed President for Life, Venezuela's Hugo Chavez cemented his relationship with new US President Barack Hussein Obama, by delivering a boatload of fresh bananas for the President.
The token shipment is said to validate the recent deal orchestrated by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi enfolding the US into the ever increasing sphere of Chavez's Coalition of Banana Republics, with the US being the latest entry.
Members of the now powerful cartel included Bolivia, Ecuador, Cuba, Mexico, Columbia, California, and Massachusetts,New Mexico and Vermont states that were charter members prior to the nationwide deal.
Chavez, ever the genial jokester, had a personal message for his counterpart in the US: Addressed To Whom It May Concern, care of General Delivery, since the President is never home, it simply stated the new Obama mantra: "WELCOME TO THE THIRD WORLD!" Audacity Indeed!
Meanwhile the Obama administration and their minions continued to destroy the fabric of the American economy on various public and political venues.
On Oprah, that great financial Oracle, Suzie Orman , aided by Oprah, led a pledge by audience members to "stop eating at neighborhood restaurants, and to suspend the use of credit cards for two weeks." This proclamation belied Obama's message that "we have to spend our way out of this meltdown" and added in a complaint against critics," what do you think a stimulus package is....it's spending!"
A spokesman for the industry said about 75,000 restaurants, most mom and pop operations, were about to close their doors putting 350,000 employees and suppliers out of work.
In addition the CPSIA, the Consumer Product and Safety IMPROVEMENT Act, mandated that all mini bikes , ATVs and related parts designed for children under 16 be removed from salesrooms shelves, as starving American children, whose parents were forced out of work, had started to gnaw on the handlebars and were found to have high levels of lead in their systems.
The Act, which takes effect this week, with little fanfare, puts 100,000 small businesses, and their suppliers out of work. Nancy Pelosi, questioned about the further loss of jobs in the market place said, "See, you thought I was joking about 500 million out of work...350,000 here,a 100,000 there, 50,000 tomorrow...we'll get there eventually! And you thought I was kidding?"
In another late breaking news story, the ACLU said it would be going after the fence industry, citing increased injuries suffered by criminals as they tried to scale local business operations that tried to protect themselves with barbed wire and razor wire enclosures due to increased theft losses.
The ACLU has the backing of new Illinois Senator Roland Burris, who claims cut up and bleeding felons are flooding the emergency rooms of Cook County, Illinois hospitals, after suffering job related injuries related to break ins at protected stores. Burris said the new standard will be PVC fences with no sharp points, and limited to a height of 2 feet, in order to allow even juvenile entrepreneurs to go about their business with little risk of injury.
Burris swore under oath that :"fences were racist!" He has since amended that statement with 8 further supplementary clarifications, duly notarized, saying that it was unfair that "only white people" had the money to buy fences to protect themselves, and that therefore, in order to level the playing field, "no one should be entitled to put up fences that interfere with the American Right to conduct a small business, even if it is illegal and at someone else's expense!"
The Freshman Senator is currently under investigation for having "shit for brains", a description placed upon him by the Illinois Attorney General who said he thought he had seen it all...till now!
President Obama has also proclaimed that Soccer is now the national sport and past time and that the US would be fielding a team in the World Cup as soon as he could clear up some "minor" visa problems with Kenya.