In the first notable heroism displayed by John Bull's soldiers, British troops sacrificed life and limb to score some sweet heroin.
Hundreds of UK militiamen laid about slain in the spirit by the Afghani white horse. By the time straight soldiers reached the drug compound most of the hidden supplies had disappeared up the noses, down the throats and into the veins of the Queen's army.
Brigadier General Aldous Skinpopper said that his brave forces drove out the evil Taliban drug lords and that he had no idea where the narcotics disappeared to.
The medics who arrived at the scene said that less British soldiers were carried out on stretchers at the Charge of the Light Brigade.