Atlantic Ocean - (Merde Alors! Mess): Ministry of Defence sources have blamed the recreational smoking habits of Capt Rongleur for the stricken French submarine Le Triomphant's mid-Atlantic prang with HMS Vanguard
The two vessels crashed into one another on the sea bed last week just yards from the mid-Atlantic Ridge's notorious fissure points.
Royal Navy First Sea Lord Admiral Sir Jonty Pugwash said today that rescue services had reported a strong smell of skunk emanating from the French conning tower.
"At first we thought it was just the Froggies' usual high jinx," Pugwash explained, "because the sub was returning from a successful drug bust in the Caribbean.
"Imagine our surprise then when coast guards discovered literally hundreds of sides of salmon hanging inside the smoke-filled funnel which appeared to have been turned into an ad hoc smoked salmon fumoir."
The fishy business sideline is a longstanding French tradition and exempt from EU defence regulations.