The widely popular television (also known as the stoner's paradise, the picto-cube, the Funbox, and the idiot box) is now the greatest achievement in the history of mankind since the wheel, sliced bread and, according to many, white chocolate Kinder Buenos.
This groundbreaking news caused a catastrophic outrage to the inventor of sliced bread Sir Granary Toastsalot who stated "The next best thing since Television? It doesn't even have a ring to it, fucking bunch of Dickensian retards! They will rue the day!" This statement came shortly after he was sectioned at the famous Arkham Asylum, Gotham City.
This isn't the first time that a notoriously amazing invention has been knocked of the charts; the famous "wheel" was critically acclaimed for nearly 10,000 years before sliced bread finally knocked it off the top spot in March 1942.
Critics say the television is a special mind-control device developed by Nintendo in an attempt to take over your mind using subliminal messages with computer animated plumbers. The actual technology was invented by famed scientist Sir Dave Television. The technology is especially well suited to a special breed of idiots, such as sports fans, the unemployed, the illiterate (I hope I spelled that correctly), and the mentally devoid of imagination.
Although this world changing turn of events has spelled horror for most, sparking contrivance between computers fans, I-Phone users, PDA nuts (or yuppies) and DDS users it's not all doom and gloom. The famous author of the well known bestseller "well known Quotes and sayings" is over the moon with joy stating "Amazing, I can republish my book with "The next best thing since Television" as a new edition… I'm going to be a millionaire!"
The world looks forward to reading this book, we can only hope its as good as his first.