Written by matwil
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Thursday, 12 February 2009

image for Hitler comes out of retirement to become Israeli president
New Israeli President Hitler makes fun of Christians

As the shambles of the Israeli election continued, Adolf Hitler today announced he was returning to politics to lead Israel.

Waving to thousands of cheering Israelis at Tel-Aviv airport, the former Fuhrer spoke to his adoring new fans. 'People of Israel', he said, 'the time has come for a new Israel, a strong and mighty nation that will no longer yield to the evil Arabic and Palestinian menace.'

'The Muslims think they can hide their murderers in Gaza, but we Israelis will never let one person die at their hands without crushing every man, woman and child there, and until we have destroyed the Palestinians once and for all!'

And to roars from the crowd he continued: 'We will kill them with jets, kill them with bullets and grenades, flame-throwers and tanks, we will not stop til every one of them has been wiped from the face of the earth! We will destroy their schools, their hospitals, their entire way of life, we will steal their land for our own lebensraum, we shall not be defeated! Seig heil!', and thousands of Israelis, many in uniforms, also burst into spontaneous 'seig heils' and gave fascist salutes to the former dictator.

But at the nearby kosher hamburger stall, Mrs Horowitz's Loaves and Fishes'R'Us, the owner herself wasn't so sure about the Nazi becoming president. 'He's just not tough enough for me', she said, 'too much talk and not enough action.'

'Now General Franco, that's what I call a real leader, there would be no PLO or Hamas with him in charge! Still, we'd better give Adolf a go', and when it was pointed out that Hitler's hatred of people that follow the Jewish faith might be a bit of a problem, she added 'Not at all. No Israeli leaders have ever followed any faith of any sort, they've been too busy killing Palestinians to bother. Hitler will be fine!'

American arms manufacturers' shares rose at today's news, shares in the Gaza Water Company fell to a new low, and UN Resolutions Limited were out of the window.

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