Written by Fergus McCarthy
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Tuesday, 10 February 2009

image for President Obama pledges $5000 cheque for every U.S. household in 'Stimulus Bill' Amendment

In a dramatic and somewhat desperate attempt to stimulate the American economy the new administration have announced an emergency amendment to the stimulus bill due to pass through the senate on Tuesday.

President Obama outlined the radical fiscal policy to news crews as he was put through his paces at his weekly line dancing class in the Green room at the White House.

"The good people of America are struggling, many have lost their jobs. Because they have lost their income they have no money, and if they have no money they cannot buy anything"

The President paused to remove his stetson and loosen his bootlace tie before continuing to state the obvious.

"If people aren't buying then the people who make stuff and the people who sell stuff cannot make money and eventually they'll lose their jobs because there'll be no money to pay them either.

"My administration have worked tirelessly all morning on this amendment to help kick start the American economy and get not just America back to work, but the whole world. Jobs means money and money means jobs.

"In less than two weeks time every household in the United States will be receiving a pre paid debit card valued at $5000. It is your duty as American citizens to go out and spend spend spend, buy your way back to employment, buy a car, buy a refrigerator, buy a couch, lottery tickets, go for a meal, buy your wife lingerie, whatever. I don't give a shit.

"Just spend it."

When asked how the government planned to pay for the estimated cost of giving each house hold $5000, given that there are an estimated 110 million households in the U.S. President Obama smiled warmly.........

"I can't think about that right now. If I do, I'll go crazy. I'll think about that tomorrow."

The "Chief" then thanked all in attendance for attending, replaced his Stetson at a jaunty angle, gripped his "I Love Offal" belt buckle, slapped his ass and heel-toed away in a westerly direction.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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