Written by Bunty
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Topics: Jesus, Irish

Saturday, 19 June 2004

At a hastily called press conference on his private estate at Rudder Cut Cay in the Bahamas, Irish legend, Bono - the sometimes lead singer in the popular beat combo U2, the seeker of truth, justice and world peace, the man who would be Jesus bejesus - yesterday announced an audacious plan to persuade George W Bush and Michael Moore to join him and his backing band on stage for a rendition of "Pride in the name of Love," at a benefit concert for retired politicians and filmmakers who have fallen on hard times.

The venue for the gig has yet to be announced, but an excited Bono (not his real name) is hoping to stage it sometime in August, well before the US presidential election:

"I want an end to all of this negative campaigning that has been going on in the run up to the elections. What we need is to find some common ground. Bush and Moore are not necessarily so different ya know. Both have reached the top in their chosen profession. Both have strong views and have very loyal followers. Bush has been called a "stupid white man". Moore has been called a "stupid fat white man". When you think about it, they have much in common."

Many of the press men and women gathered were openly sceptical about Bono's chances of getting both men to agree. Yet this only spurred Bono on further:

"Look here we go again. You're all being so negative. There was a wee bit of animosity between the Catholics and the Protestants in Northern Ireland for centuries. But I managed to get John Hume and David Trimble to shake hands at me concert a few years ago and now everything is grand there. The Bush v Moore thing has only been going on for a couple of books, 2 films and the odd TV show. Why can't I do it again? Never underestimate the unifying force that is stadium rock. Never underestimate my powers."

At this point, Bono lay on the table at the front of the press room and began shrieking "Elevate me, elevate me. Choose ME" - at which point this Spoof reporter became slightly unnerved and decided to flee.

Whether or not Bono's plans come to fruition is anybody's guess. But it would be wrong to dismiss them out of hand as the man is clearly a legend…. in his own mind.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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