Written by Adam Click
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Sunday, 8 February 2009

image for Bush Threatens War, Brokers Peace
President Bush at the Crawford Public Library.

It has not been an easy transition to private life for former president George Bush.He wakes up each morning wondering where his valet is and why breakfast isn't ready yet. He wanders the parched acres of his Crawford Texas ranch wondering why the rose garden is such a mess and why there weren't any marine guards standing at attention, waiting to open the door for him.

"He will spend hours watching the sky waiting for Marine One(the helicopter that used to ferry him around)to touch down and whisk him away", related a worried Laura Bush,"But worst of all is the social isolation."

Used to having the world just a phone call away, Mr. Bush is having a hard time just getting people to return his voicemail messages.His frustration showed when this reporter struck up a casual conversation with the former president at the Crawford Library as he tried to access White House Files by using the public computers there. "If that bastard Putin doesn't talk to us soon I'll have no choice but to escalte our dialogue militarianly."

The former president's refusal to accept reality isn't making life any easier for staff at the White House either. Already bogged down with balky computer systems and political infighting it's just one more distraction for the Obama Administration to deal with.

"He must be calling our switchboard 10 times a day asking if he has any calls or when his next appointment is." said White House spokesman Keith Olbermann. "And that's not the worst of it.People-important people- but sometimes unwelcome people, are showing up expecting to meet Mr. Bush. Last night we were hosting a dinner for Hamas leaders when the Israeli delegation shows up.Luckily it ended well with both sides agreeing that their recent actions were all just a big misunderstanding.Hamas doesn't want to destroy the state of Israel, they want to destroy Israel State, the university,...in soccer. Can you believe it? Soccer!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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