Washington D.C.- It was learned today that the presidential team of Obama/Joe Biden have been using diplomatic back channels to try and convince Taliban leader Osama Bin Laden to seek help for "the depression he so obviously suffers from.".
"The signs are all there: The social withdraw, the anger, the paranoia. Unfortunately, it's not going well." said White house spokesman, Joe Gibb, speaking on condition of anonymity. "Mr. Bin Laden continues to deny that he has a mental health problem."
A typical dialogue goes something like this:
Obama/Joe Biden:"We think you should seek help dealing with your depression,Mr. Bin Laden."
Osama Bin Laden: "The evil spawn of Satan which is the United States would do well to worry about it's own depression and stop trying to convert peaceful Muslims to it's evil ways."
Obama/Joe Biden:"We are not in a depression. It is merely a deep recession."
Osama Bin Laden:"And I am not depressed,I am merely very sad."
"Of course we continue to make every effort to reach out to him." Mr. Gibb continued, "We have even enlisted the military. They continually drop leaflets describing the symptoms of, and treatments for depression in the mountainous regions of Pakistan and Afghanistan.At this point it is not clear whether the leaflets are having any effect. Although there has been a steady increase in the number of suicide bombings at mental health clinics there."