Portmeirion Wales -- Pawns began a strike on millions of chessboards around the world today. The lowly pawns are tired of being used and abused and want some respect from chess players and they also demand equal rights. Pawns want the right to move around the board as they please, just like the queen.
Knights and rooks are supporting the pawns and are refusing to take any more pawns in battle. Rooks are upset as well and are tired of being 'boxed into the corners' all the time. Knights are upset by their silly horse-head design.
Only bishops, and the royal pieces still support the status quo.
"It's just ridiculous." said the Red Queen. "Pawns have the ability to become queens if they are strong and brave enough. Half the pieces on the board are pawns too. There is safety in numbers. You never hear me or the king complain. I do most of the work." she said.
The pawns countered they are usually the first ones to be slaughtered in any game. They are tired of being treated like pawns.
"If that's how they feel, why don't they just become checker pieces then." said the Red Queen. "Egalitarianism is just so foolish. In Checkers all the pieces are born equal and everyone knows it's a game for bloody idiots." she swore.