Coming on the heels of an announcement from Heavenly Creations earlier today that they will no longer be using Love Potion #9 to coat Cupid's arrowheads, the World WitchCraft Foundation (WWCF) has announced that the global economy has forced many would-be purchasers of the various brands of love potions and artifacts to just jump off a bridge instead.
But the problem doesn't stop there. As money flow gets more difficult, major third world nations are being forced to lay off hunter-gathers whose sole source of income had been the collection of ancient herbal extracts used in love potions, and other magical talismans of good will.
"What will happen," a top analyst no one has ever heard of said to me, "Is that there's going to be a lot less love in the world, and lot more other emotions, maybe even a bit of outright indifference. And this is going to skyrocket. By Easter, people will be ready to love one another with a plastic bag over the head, if this keeps up."
The news is not all bad, however, as WWCF is also the world's leading supplier of Voodoo dolls and other talismans of evil things. Sales of these items seems to be growing at a phenomenal rate, causing the company to capitalize with a brand new marketing slogan "Poke the other guy first," which has already been transformed into a top 100 hit on UK pop charts.