From Somewhere in a Bunker/ Late Breaking War News - The US Supreme Commander in Chief, Gen. Barry O'Bama declared his economic policies a disaster after only 7 days, and instead launched 2 lightning military strikes to unify the country and provide a much needed stimulus to the devastated economy.
Aide de Camp to General O'Bama, Maj. General Rahm "Mossad" Emanuel, said the recently elected President reacted to a scathing report from Fox news that his "bailout" policy based on FDR's "New Deal" would never work, just as FDR found out after 7 years and an unemployment rate that only dipped 2 points. Barry decided not to wait that long!
In a war room strategy session at Camp Hussein, the president's retreat in Hawaii, military and economic historians noted that FDR was only able to pull the country out of depression after it became immersed in a global war on 2 continents.
Pressed by rising unemployment, reaching 11%, and as high as 18% in some Democrat controlled inner cities , the now "war time president" issued the executive order for US Armed forces to roll across the borders into Mexico and Canada.
O'Bama cited "Lebensraun", the need for more room for its socialistic economic policies to grow. The President also cited ever increasing hostility from the Canadian Broadcasting System (CBC), and thousands of headless Mexican drug dealers(5600 by last count) now rotting on the border to the US posing a health hazard.
The Mexican operation is a two fold "blitzkrieg" with the allied forces of new Amigo Gen.Hugo Chavez and his Venezuelan Marines storming ashore in the South, with elements of the 101st Airborne Division from the north making a night time drop into Tijuana , and the 45th ACORN Mechanized Division, deployed from Chicago, storming the Northern border from California.
Up in Washington state members of the 4th Infantry Brigade stationed at Ft. Lewis mounted up and easily rolled into Canada, where they were welcomed by cheering english speaking Canadians and the local wildlife population.
Entering Canada from Vermont, the 10th Mountain Division, with HQs in North Conway , NH easily made the triumphant liberation to Toronto within 6 hours. Their quick success was aided by the immediate surrender of all French speaking Provinces, including Montreal, enabling the task force to proceed unabated to the more friendly areas who welcomed them with open arms.
The Montreal Expos and the Toronto Maple Leafs were immediately granted asylum, and their new franchise locations were assigned to Cicero, Ill., and SF Ca, respectively, the latter to appease that aging hockey puck, Nancy Pelosi.
Some O'Bama war counselors are now urging the President to attack Alaska in a winter campaign to secure much needed oil reserves.
O'Bama appears to be unsure of his next move saying " ah, um...let me, ah, make it plain, I uh, think that, ah, that move may require some, ah, further study from counsel, ah, Greg, (Greg Craig, Presidential legal counsel), was this move included, in , ah, that paper thing I ah signed the other day about that, ah, cuban prison thingy...or do we ah, need a new legal finding on dat?"
Craig, off camera suggested to the President that he watch History Channel reruns of the siege of Stalingrad, and read up on Napoleon's retreat from Russia, and check Gov. Sarah Palin's popularity ratings, and this time take notes.
Meanwhile rallies for O'Bama were overwhelming, with O'Bama flag and torch carrying supporters swamping the Washington Mall, just after $50M in new sod had been planted by Landscaper Barney Frank, LLC.
Military experts around the globe were astounded with O'Bama's 6 day success. Further comments from the President were not forthcoming, for on the 7th Day of the Campaign he rested and played some hoops with the troops.