Vatican - Religious officials announced the end of terrorism by fanatical Muslims when 3 members of the Christian Secret Service managed to penetrate, and assassinate the 72 Virgins in Heaven awaiting Muslims upon their death.
When news of the penetration and assassination reached other church leaders, foot-stomping, hand-clapping, and chants of, "Long live the Crusades," could be heard throughout the world. Cardinal Adam Pedophilia of Our Kid's Special Closet Deep In The Redeemer Church, declared the covert operation a resounding success.
Since the announcement late this morning, Muslims from all over the world have been turning themselves in seeking absolution from Pope Barack Obama and his Secretary of Faith Sister Hillary Gotarodinher Clinton.
Now that the menace of muslinomics is wiped out, it wasn't immediately clear whether Pope Obama would recall all US troops stationed in every country on the planet costing taxpayers 1000 trillion dollars per month. Asked on Larry King Live about what the U.S. would do with the money now that the war was over, Pope Obama replied, "Dude, that's going to pay for unemployment benefits."