Israeli security operatives refused to confirm or deny rumours that an undercover operation had been successfully carried out in a combined operation between Mossad agents and Israeli Special Forces.
It is claimed the covert operatives have abducted seven dwarves thought to be responsible the vast tunnelling complex between Gaza and the Egyptian border. Their diamond mines have been silent with no sign of their occupants. It is thought the dwarves were picked up in a sting operation in the town of Rafah near the Egyptian border.
UN sources are said to be extremely dismayed that mythical beings could be taken against their will in this way when they were engaged in a peaceful, humanitarian effort to supply the Palestinians of Gaza with food, fuel and medical supplies including much needed vinegar and brown paper. This follows the suspicious, near fatal wounding In Jordan of a prominent egg known only as Humpty Dumpty who was found at the foot of a wall with severe head injuries.
A local, Jordanian Newspaper known as 'Hey- imam Spoofa' claims that links between the egg, Hamas, and the Syrians were totally fabricated. "All the kings' horses and all the Kings men couldn't put Humpty together again."
"He Remains in a critical condition", Said a palace spokesman. He remains heavily dependent on vinegar and brown paper to contain his injuries and may need them for the rest of his life" A Jordanian official completely denied that Humpty Dumpty was involved in an intelligence gathering operation when he 'fell off' the wall.
The British 'Respect' MP, George 'Cheshire cat' Gallopaway took time out of his busy cat impersonation schedule to condemn the abductions as an expression of: "morally bankrupt, capitalist, neo colonialist oppression against innocent story book characters unable to defend themselves". He went on to support Hamasse's courage in the face of the; "raw, naked, Zionist aggression!"
To the leadership of Hamas (Iran) he exclaimed: "Sirs, I salute your courage, your strength, your indefatigability", "do you have a saucer of milk and a cigar please"? Gorgeous George later purred, "These dwarves were a shining example of selflessness, altruism and defiance against western thuggery and neo imperialism."
However, the incumbent British Foreign Secretary, David Milliband exclaimed. "While I admire the dwarves dedication and selflessness this was an action in no way sanctioned or endorsed by the British Government.
"They knew the risks they were taking and chose to go ahead. Frankly I'm surprised one of the lunatic, Islamic factions didn't kill them, I mean abduct them first".
Concerns were expressed for the safety of the dwarves when the Israeli attack on Gaza began. In scrambled emails and text messages, the dwarves described how a big bad wolf fired a missile destroying their house of straw forcing them to move to a house of wood. This too was bombed killing several civilians including 'Jack be quick', who obviously was not quick enough! He later died in hospital having been impaled on a candlestick during the blast. Finally they took refuge in a brick shit house which fortunately proved to be more durable.
What happened next is a mystery. Locals report a unit of I.D.F soldiers arriving with bulldozers shouting orders and firing at will. Following the demolition of a Mosque a primary school and dozens of residential homes the dwarves were thought to have been herded into a Gingerbread house where they were either shot or abducted.
Sources close to the Israeli acting Prime Minister Tzipi Livni or Ehud Barak the minister for Defence were not willing to comment on the matter apart from a joint statement which reads:
"We regret the loss of innocent, civilian life and hope to end more guilty lives in the future. These tunnels built by the dwarves were used for the transportation of arms, ammunition and rockets used by Hamas for attacks on Northern Israel. It has also come to our attention that the diamonds mined in these tunnels were being sold by the Iranians to generate funds for Hamas and Hezbollah. This is clearly unacceptable."
Hamas officials denied that they deliberately placed military emplacements in civilian environments such as schools, hospitals and 'Up the Hill' near 'Jack and Jill'. An Israeli soldier named as Avnun Arab tokilly claimed that: "mortar rounds and small arms fire were directed at our party of reluctant, half assed conscripts from 'up the Hill' and so we retaliated wildly, killing some elderly residents, some children and then Jack and Jill came tumbling after" My medical orderly administered vinegar and brown paper and they were rushed off to a mobile I.D.F field hospital to be shot properly.
Human rights groups such as Amnesty International also accuse the Israelis of leaving internationally banned 'T.R.O.L.L munitions under bridges when they retreat which remain active for centuries and eat curious little children and goats as they trip and are trapped. Large consignments of whitewash were being delivered to Israeli embassies all over the world today as what some would say is an attempt to cover up the blood on the carpets and walls.
Many would describe the savage and indiscriminate killing of Palestinians in Gaza as extremely damaging to Israeli prestige and sympathy abroad. The use of White phosphorous has flattened or burnt much of the Israelis moral high ground exposing them more dangerously to the big bad wolf in Tehran, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad the president of Iran.
The Big Bad Wolf Said: "Allah be willing, I will huff and puff and blow the Jewish pigs houses down"
In a disturbing turn of events, the Israeli parliament, the Knesset voted to begin preparing a large nuclear cauldron of water to throw on the wolf in a pre emptive strike if necessary. Iranian nuclear cauldrons remain deep underground. The deranged wolves claim that they are only boiling cauldrons for domestic energy use and have no intention of emptying them on Israel. They deny financing or supporting either Hamas or the seven dwarves.
A tearful Snow White made an emotional appeal to a wicked witch to release the dwarves unharmed. "They have lots of TV and film work lined up and their friends miss them terribly. Three bears are said to be pacing around a forest until the whole thing cools down. As outgoing president George W Bush left the White House he was heard to blame the "Doomranians and the Pakistramis" for the whole thing. In other news, a celebrity dish runs away with a spoon half his age.