Washington, DC - Early this morning behind closed doors of the Oval Office of the White House, the Jonas Brothers finally got to meet the new president of the United States of America, Barack Obama, like they wanted. Only it was not under the idyllic circumstances that they had envisioned.
A little bit after 10 p.m. last night Obama received an urgent phone call from the Secret Service protecting his daughters and their adolescent girlfriends in attendance at the White House sleepover.
Obama walked into the White House living room to find the Jonas Brothers all sitting on the couch all handcuffed together with girl's underwear hanging out of pockets from their coats, shirts and pants. Secret Service Agents stood at attention behind the couch with their arms folded across their chests, earpieces in their ears and still wearing dark sunglasses.
"It's not what you think Mr. President," said the oldest of the Jonas bothers attempting to offer up an explanation.
"I don't want to hear a word from you," said President Obama, pointing an accusatorial finger at each of the boys, as if was viewing a police lineup of Perps.
"Or you either. And especially not from you," stressed Obama to the youngest of the Jonas Brothers, pausing as he pulled out his own oldest daughter's pants out from the Jonas bother's coat pocket.
President Obama then turned his back to the boys as he hastily took off his jacket throwing it to the ground. As he begin to pace the floor in front of the Jonas Brothers, attempting to regain his composure and trademarked cool demeanor, he grabbed hold of the back of a chair, nodding his head and leaning his shoulders half way over it.
Taking a deep breath, Obama turned to a Secret Service Agent in the room and asked for a full report. After hearing it, with his back still to the Jonas Brother, Obama returned to grabbing the back of a chair, making it creak this time, which made the Jonas Brothers gasp and lean back into the couch flinching and raising up their still handcuffed hands and arms flailing about in the air trying to protect their faces from an anticipated attack.
Just then a Secret Service Agent step in and gently tapping President Obama on the shoulder, he said: "No, Mr. President. Please stop and reconsider. That's what we're here for."
"What?" said Obama; looking at the chair, he was dragging across the floor. "Oh, do not be silly. Now resume your station and order up a pot of hot coffee for me and some hot coco for the boys. I am going to explain to them how to treat a young lady with respect and honor so it is going to be a long night."
Early the next morning, the front door of the Oval Office opened and the Jonas Brothers walked out physically unscathed, but visibly exhausted.
"Wow," said one of the Jonas Brothers to the others as he exited the Oval Office. "I wish he would have just hit us with that chair instead."
"Yeah," echoed the same sentiment from one of the other two of the Jonas Brothers. "I bet it would have been a lot less painful than sitting through that morality speech."
"You can say that again," said the youngest brother smiling as he pulled out some girl's panties from his coat pocket that the Secret Service and President Obama had somehow missed. "I thought this guy was against torture. Oh, well. I guess it's just another broken campaign promise."
Suddenly, the door to the Oval Office swung up again only with President Obama standing in the threshold with the light of the early morning dawn behind him making him appear luminescent, even angelic but nevertheless daunting like Michael the Archangel wielding a flaming sword that prevented Adam and Eve from ever reentering the Garden of Eden.
With a timber in his voice that sounded more like a clap of thunder(as much as a mixed metaphor), Obama spoke rhetorically to the Jonas Brothers that stopped dead in their tracks in the hallway: "Did I hear someone complaining?"
Before a thought as how to answer could come to the minds the Jonas Brothers, President Obama ordered them march back into his Oval Office for another little 6-hour chant, but this time on the importance of respecting your elders.
That was until Obama spotted the youngest of the Jonas Brother still twirling a girl's underwear from his finger.
"We haven't seen The Jonas Brothers since they left the White House at 9 p.m., one hour and a half before President Obama arrived last night," said a spokesman for the Secret Service. "As it is clearly evidenced by the official White House guest sign in book, and all these sown affidavits from all those little girls in attendance at last night's sleepover party, see?"