Written by Fergus McCarthy

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Topics: Holiday, ABBA

Sunday, 1 February 2009

image for International ABBA Day cancelled

Residents of the Dutch town of Roosendaal breathed a huge sigh of relief today after it was announced that the annual 'International ABBA day' that has been held there for several years has been cancelled by the newly elected Conservative Council.

Every April terrified townsfolk have been forced to barricade themselves in their homes as thousands of middle aged women and gay men in rented Saab's and Volvo's descend like Barbarian hordes on their normally peaceful society to engage in a sickening orgy of spandex trouser suits, wigs, beards and karaoke.

Roosendaal's oldest inhabitant Maaike-Anne De Jon has lived through German occupation in two world wars, the national shame of 'Dutch Elm Disease' and one European Football Championship involving England, but she is in no doubt as to which harrowing period of her life has been the most traumatic so far.


She whispered softly, her muffled sobs amplified by the silence of the room.

"The Germans were here full time but at least they weren't the English, I watch 'EastEnders on satellite and it just sends a shiver.

But those ABBA bastards! They frighten the shit out of me.

It's like their minds are stuck in 1978 and their arses live in 2015, I thought they were Swedish anyway? Why wasn't it held in Sweden? I'll tell you why, because they're bloody sick of them thats why."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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