Written by Jalapenoman
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Monday, 19 January 2009

image for Survey Finds American Catholic Priests Against the Norm
Can you find the forgotten panties and used condom in this picture?

A survey by the Universidad de Roma found that American Priests do not follow Catholic norms. While the Catholic ministers from the United States seem to be constatntly in the news for their sexual exploits and conquests of little boys, the average Catholic Priest worldwide seems to prefer females at the rate of 97%.

Cardinal Guido Vespucci, under conditions of strictest confidence and anonymity, stated that "I go for the younger nuns myself. It's so easy to convince the brides of Christ that Jesus shared everything with his brothers in the faith."

"Our last couple of Popes have gone for the teenage girls, since they tend to be very worshipful and obedient. My good friend Cardinal Orlo, and you can't print this, likes the little girls at the Catholic schools. He says that the uniforms are a real turn on for him too. Of course, we've got clothing researchers who design them that way on purpose."

When asked why the American Priests did not follow the norms that seem to dominate in the church, the Cardinal stated off the record that "we tend to only be able to recruit the faggots in the United States. Any of their Priests that would rather go for some little boy than bend Britney Spears over the altar was always a little swishy to begin with and is missing some brain cells. That's why we'll never have an American Pope."

Cardinal Vespucci, continuing to exercise his right as an unnamed source, concluded that "we've (Priests, Bishops, Cardinals, and Popes) been knocking up good little Catholic teens and women for years. Our nuns by themselves have kept the Catholic orphanages full. It's just one of the perks of the job."

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