Beijing,China/ Toxic Junk Export News - Despite massive infusions of cash into the sagging US economy, the biggest STIMULUS appears to be the unprecedented outpouring of cash to snap up anything dealing with the Coronation of Barry O'Bama, the Irish-Kenyan -American President Elect.
Leading the list of Barry O impregnated artifacts is the Barry O'Bama two faced coin, recently endorsed by the NFL to be used in the opening kickoff coin toss at the upcoming Super Bowl. In keeping with O'Bama's campaign promises, neither team will be a loser, but instead there will be a Rugby Like Scrum on the 50 yard line to determine who gets the ball first.
Unfortunately the "almost gold" coin, originally scheduled to be die cast and smelted at US Steel in Gary,Indiana, close to Chicago's South Side, home of many of Barry's constituents, was outsourced to China's "Happy Days" steel company. The deal was made after a trade delegation met with Illinois Governor Rod Blagojvich and offered him a lucrative lobbying job and sole distributive ship for the hot selling look alike coins. Blago also said he had received a fortune cookie with his take out lunch stating "Happy Days Will Soon Be Here Again!", a sign he couldn't ignore.
Blago also said the delegation's presentation gave him "a different slant" on things, and that while he was sorry that many of his constituents in Chicago that counted on employment with US steel would be laid off as a result of his decision, he granted the contract to China saying, " Under the circumstances, I really have to look out for myself first."
The US direct sales TV marketing campaign for O'Bama commemoratives has virtually blocked out all other network programs in the states, including recent NFL playoff games. Network executives are unapologetic saying " Hey Dude, you've got to go with what's going to pay the bills...we're all suffering here in this economic crisis!"
That theme was echoed by The New York Times today, as it announced plans to accept O'Bama gimmick advertising on it's front pages for the foreseeable future. The Times, with ad revenue sinking 20-30% in recent months, more writers being "outed" for fictious stories, and readership shifting to The Spoof to get "the real scoop", is on the verge of bankruptcy and is trying desperately to shed overhead including partial ownership of the Boston Red Sox.
Shares of FEDX and DHL have soared on the drooping NY Stock Exchange, and the international delivery companies say they can barely keep up with the shipments for the O'Bama items including full sets of autographed dinner plates, bobble-head dolls, NBA O'Bama jerseys, SPAM cans with O'Bama's favorite recipes, NASCAR model Hybrid race cars with the number "0",
sweet potato peelers, and O'Bama look a like stick on ears, to name just a few hot selling items.
Meanwhile on MTV, video clips of the "O'Bama Shuffle" backed with rap lyrics by "50 cent" are sweeping the nation and Best Buy stores indicate that shoplifting of "Ipods"" have easily outdistanced legitimate sales.
Highlight of the inauguration will be a surprise blending of harmonic vocals featuring O'Bama, Biden, Pelosi, Reid and House Soprano Frank, in a rousing rendition of "HAPPY DAYS ARE HERE AGAIN!'
This once in a life time melodic event is available on a CD double set including private conversations with Blago, Rahm Emanuel, Caroline Kennedy, Eliot Spitzer, John Edwards, Charlie Wrangle with backup by the Al Sharpton Tax Free Choir. Available now, for only $19.95!