Special To The New York Ribald Daily - U.S. Airways has concluded that the pilot of Hudson River Glider 1549 had planned to hit birds and ditch the plane. "Sully" Sullenberger, III, conspiratorial genius, has had the hots for stewardess Misty Bottom for, at least, a year. She's every Air Captain's dream, as the word goes around the fuel tanks!
Sully figured out the exact schedule of Canadian geese around La Guardia Airport and intentionally ran into them, and, knowing by other calculations he could land with an intact jet, with no injuries to anyone, was aiming for the prized "Misty Spot!"
He wanted to take Bottom to her bottom, but the plane floated and despite Sully's game, she gloated, as she floated!!!
We all wish Sully better luck in the next planned crash!
(Pudendum News Report-approved by Mayor Bloomberg)