Washington,DC/ Screw Magazine/Life Styles Section - President Elect Obama is not wasting any time instituting his STIMULUS package for average Americans, starting off with a FREE SEX edict to reward followers attending his inauguration!
Declaring the capitol streets between 5th and I a PROSTITUTION FREE ZONE, District Police have responded to the Obama mandate to JUMP START the economy with a big BANG!
The idea is said to have been concocted during a brain storming session between Kwame Kilpatrick, former Detroit mayor, and Heidi Fliess, former Madam Extraordinary, during a economic summit meeting with the ULTIMATE MADAM, House Speaker Pelosi.
Hookers who advertise on Craigslist, and even some amateurs with political contacts, are pretty excited about the concept.
Upon entering the city and checking into the Obama Welcome Centers , party patrons will be issued SEX VOUCHERS redeemable for services on the corner of 5th Street in the Capitol.
ACORN volunteers will be commissioned as "pole watchers" to insure that only registered democrats receive the vouchers in keeping with the Democratic Motto of "to the victors belong the Ho's" , a phrase coined by Obama cheer leader Chris Matthews.
Services include "The Early Bird Special", "International Summit", :The Way Forward", "The Fannie May", and the non gender specific "Freddie Mac", the latter endorsed by Barney Frank. Full description of the amusement park rides are described in detail in the 6 page full color brochure.
As payback for the recent additional $1.2B "bailout" from the DEMS, Chrysler CEO Bob Nardelli, former CEO of Home Despot, has vowed to bring 15,000 Dodge Quad Cabs with the extended 8' "beds" to DC and park them in the Free Sex Zones for use as portable Murphy Beds and featuring Scotch Guarded heated seats. The trucks will be available for purchase after the event at even more deeply discounted prices.
"The Girls" will be able to redeem their "Love Barry" vouchers at any Citi Bank, or Bank of America, as part of the deal brokered by the recent TARP bailout engineered by Barney Frank, House Banking Chairman.
Curious GOP supporters drawn to the $150m spectacle are said to be out of luck if they came to "get a little" while in the capitol. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said smugly, "They'll just have to go F****Themselves!"