Written by Limnothrissa
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Sunday, 18 January 2009

image for Grace Mugabe put in charge of extracting confessions by torture

Trials have been speeded up in Zimbabwe. Grace Mugabe, the wife of dictator Robert Mugabe, has been appointed the new top expert in "evidence" collection by her husband.

This follows the delayed appearance in court of over 40 opposition MDC supporters that vanished into thin air recently. After strongly denying they had anything to do with it, police were very surprised to find them in their prisons. "They must have been smuggled into the jails as part of a Western Government plot against our President" said the Commisioner of prisons.

Grace Mugabe will be assigned to specific cases. It is understood that these will all be accusations of trying to overthrow her husband as the sole owner of Zimbabwe.

Her appointment comes after demontrating her skills on a Sunday Times photographer, Richard Jones in Hong Kong. "Grace Mugabe flew into a rage when she saw him outside the five-star Kowloon Shangri-la Hotel" said Michael Sheridan, The Sunday Times correspondent who witnessed the assault.

"The bodyguard grabbed Mr Jones, wrestled with him, attempted to take his camera. He then held him while Mrs Mugabe struck him in the face repeatedly," Sheridan said.

Jones said he went to see a doctor afterwards and was diagnosed as suffering from numerous bruises, cuts, and abrasions to his head and face.

"The cuts and bruises inflicted by the First Lady... were due to the diamond rings on her fingers," he said.

Asked to comment Mrs Mugabe said " My husband has spent hundreds of thousands of taxpayers money on these knuckledusters, including some very big and hard stones. Some of them came from the DRC and are called Blood Diamonds, for very good reasons. They ought to be put to more use in the National interest."

When asked what national interest was at stake here, she replied "In Zimbabwe it has become fashionable to kick people off their farms. I am preventing that happening to my husbands farm, which, as you all know, is the whole of Zimbabwe."

In a recent speech Mugabe stated "Zimbabwe is mine!"

More than half the population of Zimbabwe are surviving on food aid and cholera has killed over 2000 Zimbabweans.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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