Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 13 January 2009

image for Taleban Leader To Apologise For Racist Remark
Sgt Tarquinson shows army colleagues where it all happened

A leading figure in the Taleban in Afghanistan, is to make an apology for a racist remark he made to a British soldier he encountered in a struggle between the two in Helmand province last November.

Abdul Hanif, of no fixed address, was in charge of a Taliban reconnaissance party that had gone to within a mile of a British base near to Lashkar Gah, when he encountered Sgt Quentin Tarquinson of the Royal 16th Light Fusiliers having a dump in a hole in the ground behind some bushes.

Hanif, who had expended all of his ammunition, told Tarquinson:

"You bloody Brit!"

Sgt Tarquinson finished what he was doing, and apprehended Hanif, whereupon the rebel was taken into army custody, and thrown into a stinking cell with dozens of other prisoners.

Now, however, in lght of the recent 'Prince Harry atrocities', Sgt Tarquinson has demanded an apology from Mr Hanif for his racist comments. Said the British soldier:

"We have to teach these people you can't just go around calling people 'Brits'. It's not ethical or cricket."

Mr Hanif has already apologised privately to Sgt Tarquinson, but has also said he would like to do so publicly, probably over the camp's tannoid system later today.

Sgt Tarquinson could still be in hot water with his superiors though. It's claimed he infringed several Health & Safety regulations when apprehending Mr Hanif, as he wilfully failed to wash his hands after going to the toilet.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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