Written by Aspartame Boy
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Saturday, 10 January 2009

image for Aspartame companies belly-up to the bar
Responsible FDA officials refused an interview

Poisonville, ILL - Another aspartame company closed it's doors today. One of the last companies left in America, it had to close it's doors because aspartame disease had shut down the line for the last nine months.

Mr. N. A. Useam, CEO of Adulterated Confections could not be reached for comment (he was suffering a protracted seizure), but it was widely reported by the staff of his company that employees were granted the right to eat all the aspartame candy they could hold while on the job.

Most employees did not wear the full respirator space suits that they should have been wearing per government regulation. Aspartame disease kept decimating the workforce until it became impossible to ship the product.

Food fights involving the white powder were rampant, until disease took hold. Then, the sickly workers could hardly get themselves out of bed in the morning.

Of course, demand went way down, because people who knew how to read were learning about the dangers of aspartame and had given it up long ago. Eventually, the company went under.

Another factor that contributed to the bankruptcy was the class action law suit from the embalming industry.

The company's staff is expecting the FDA officials who allowed this situation to develop to be answerable to a UN tribunal sometime early next year. Scientists there have already reported that science was trumped by management corruption.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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