Written by Aspartame Boy
Rating:
Share/Bookmark
Print this

Thursday, 8 January 2009

image for Formaldehyde Martini cocktails
CEO of Rumplestien, Dr. Kidpickler

NEW YORK, NY - Dr. Rockyphlesh of Dedfeller Formaldehyde, Inc. reports that its corporation is suing the Rumplestien Aspartame corporation in court today.

Their claim: Rumplestien's Aspartame is cutting into their embalming business.

They cite as evidence the Trocho Study showing that the formaldehyde converted from the free methyl alcohol in aspartame solutions embalms living tissue and damages DNA.

They also cite Dr. Roberts' medical text, Aspartame Disease: An Ignored Epidemic. This text has a page on pre-embalming.

The suit also mentions that it is against Jewish law to embalm the dead. Dedfeller consequently claims that religious freedom is thus preempted by the aspartame consumption.

To raise money for its legal team Rumplestien corporation is selling aspartame to funeral parlors in Los Angeles, since it is not legal for them to purchase formaldehyde. Parlors can easily mix up a batch by combining the aspartame with water. California authorities are too broke to intervene. However, demand is reduced even in this market due to all the diet drinks consumed by vain Californians.

Some European states limit the use of formaldehyde, to exclude embalming. This opens up another market for Rumplestien corporation.

But, according to Dr. Kidpickler of Rumplestien, the newest market opportunity for asparshame producers is a secret weapon. Israeli soda pop producers blend it into sport drinks specially for Hamas rocketeers.

Make Aspartame Boy's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!


More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 5?

2 4 20 10
80 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience on our website, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more