Written by Tragic Rabbit
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Wednesday, 7 January 2009

image for Masturbating 'missing link' fined for 'auto-erotic' driving
Contents of the defendant's back pocket at the time of his arrest.

A man officially identified as a Darwinian 'missing link' has been fined $2,000 for filming himself masturbating while speeding along the highway in his convertible.

The man is in jail until August after pleading guilty to growing high-speed cannabis in the car boot and listening to Kylie Minogue CDs in an open vehicle.

Brenton Alan Brenton, 39, pleaded guilty in the Magistrates Court to dangerous driving, practicing horticulture without a licence and having banal taste in music.

He admitted to officers he often filmed himself masturbating while driving, but insisted that his two-handed technique was 'safe' because he was proficient at steering with his knees.

He also pleaded guilty to driving with 'bootleg' cannibis plants and to regularly administering the drug via bong while working to discharge his loaded rifle.

After examining the plaintiff's brief, Magistrate Susie O says the man exhibited conduct she expects of someone much younger and considerably more fit.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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