San Diego,CA/ Homeland Security briefing - Following unprovoked rocket attacks from Mexico on civilians in Tuscon, San Diego and Abilene, House Speaker Pelosi has pleaded for restraint and understanding, saying "if we just give them more money, the attacks will stop! It's really not their fault we can't afford their drugs anymore! We're in a F******Economic Crisis which has cut off The Cartel's cash flow!"
An aide to Pelosi said she was "speaking from the heart " after finding 24 dismembered heads on the croquet court of her Washington town house earlier in the morning.
Banking Chairman Barney Frank agrees, and is working on another Bailout for US Drug Addicts who can no longer get cash advances to pay for their Mexican drug habit, even as attacks intensify.
Religious mentor to the President, Reverend Wright, has repeated his Mantra "the chickens are coming home to roast now!" as he gave his entire Sunday service in Spanish to show solidarity with "our brothers against aggression."
With backing from the new Democratic majority in Congress, led by super patriot Sen. Al Franken, Obama has vowed to disarm the National Guard along the border of Mexico in Arizona, California, and Texas, until "he can get a handle on the situation!" and prevent an escalation of the fighting, including "self defense".
To further enforce and publicize the Presidents view, Franken is preparing another Saturday Night Live skit featuring starving Mexican Peasants stuck with mountains of unmoved cocaine and mocking Sarah Palin.
Meanwhile, the reign of terror continues. Satellite imaging has located rocket and mortar sites in Mexacali shelling San Diego, a site in Nogales targeting Tuscon, while Ciudad Juarez continues hurling barrages into Abiline.
Adding to the problem are miles of tunnels on the US border being used as resupply lines by US sympathizers to keep up a constant flow of rockets, mortar shells, as well as take out food from Pakistani owned Mexican Restaurants within the US.
Protecting the tunnel entrances from being seized, representatives of Code Pink, continue to picket, using themselves as human shields against defensive attacks by the US.
Oprah Winfrey, Obama's delegate to the UN, has appealed for a Cease Fire at the Un General Assembly, as well as on her TV show when she interrupted Dr. Phil, for a heartfelt message of conciliation.
Any cease fire issued by the UN appears to be a "non starter" as voters from Russia, China, Iran, Syria, Venezuela, Cuba, North Korea, Somalia, Pakistan, not only back the Mexicans, but say they will send additional "Freedom Fighters" to Mexico to protect their sovereignty and their right "of national expression."
Obama is said to be meeting with former President Jimmy Carter, "The Great Appeaser", who won overwhelming support from his liberal flock due to his professional handling of the now infamous Iran Hostage Negotiations.
"If it wasn't for Jimmy, where would we be now", one of the hysterical demonstrators demanding immediate disarming of he US military shouted outside the Capitol!
Chris Matthews said Obama's leadership skills, command of the english language, and coolness under fire "really makes my dick hard!" while reporting live from a destroyed public school in San Diego.