Citing the growing economic crisis, President-Elect Barack Obama today named Harry Potter to a key position in his cabinet. Potter will serve as Deputy Secretary of Commerce.
"We need change in Washington," said Obama as he announced the selection, "and in times like these we need magic too." The incoming administration plans to roll back NAFTA and increase trade barriers, but hopes to avoid the normal economic consequences of such a move. Economists generally lay some of the blame for the Great Depression on increased tariffs.
This time will be different, insisted Bill Richardson, Obama's appointment for Secretary of Commerce. "Never before have we had someone at such a high level who can fix things with the wave of a wand. Now we've got Harry Potter. It's like having Alan Greenspan back at the Fed."
Potter will spend the next few weeks at Hogwarts researching spells for economic prosperity. Critics suggested that the magic is really just a smokescreen for increasing socialism in American government. Obama dismissed that quickly, saying "socialism has no place in our government. We need real change so we're skipping straight to communism. Harry Potter will be my Che Guevara."
Reports that Potter has taken to wearing berets could not be confirmed at press time.