United States President George W. Bush has announced plans for after he leaves the White House following the Barack Obama Inauguration. Bush had previously not been talkative about his goals, plans, or pursuits beginning in late January.
"Well, first off," said the President, "I plan on taking me a little vacation and visiting Disney World. It's been eight years since I got to ride me the Flying Dumbo's and that's just too long. I understand that they even painted Air Force One on the side of my favorite one (he wears the red hat) in honor of me."
"After that, I think I'd like to be Pope for a while. You don't have to be from any certain country for that because they've had them from all over Europe."
"I think I'm qualified. I've been on television many times. I know how to wave at a crowd from behind bullet proof glass. I've even got a rolodex with all of the phone numbers of the different heads of state from around the world."
"I also think that his secret service guards have cooler uniforms than mine do. I wanted my people to dress like the Swiss guard, but they refused."
"If I could be Pope, I'd make Tony Blair my Vice Pope because he and I get along really good."
"I'd also get rid of those awful nun suits and dress the good looking ones up like the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders. That would make those Catholic school boys stand up and pay attention to their teachers in class."
There was no word from the Vatican on the Bush announcement.