New Yawk, NY-- Paris Hilton says she is "bored with living" and is making plans to blow-up the world in 2009. The sultry, sexy seductress says she's simply sad, so suicide seems sane--sometimes.
Paris Hilton's IQ is imeasurable. Everyone in the world seems incredibly stupid to her. Life has no meaning for her.
"You have to realize, you all are like bacteria to me. I might as well discuss Hegelian concepts with the fungi growing on my shower curtain. I go to Hollywood parties all the time. Everybody's eyes glaze over when I try discussing 'n' dimensional realities and quantum entanglement. I was talking about 11 dimensional string theory with Barbra Streisand last night--she thought I was talking about laundry! What a moron!" laughed Paris.
Paris says she got the idea to blow up the world from an unlikely source--Sarah Palin.
"She's a very smart woman, like myself. I felt so bad for her during the presidential campaign. I know what it's like to be hounded by idiotic reporters. I thought if she doesn't win, I'll just blow up the world!" laughed Paris again.
Ms. Hilton says her Doomsday Machine is almost perfected. The machine is aimed at the Earth's core. Once it's turned on the world will explode.
"My cute little Doomsday thingy emits a dark energy ray. Don't bother to figure it out, you simply don't have the brains. It would be like a cow trying to solve a calculus equation!" she smirked.
Paris plans to find the answers to the only two questions that matter: Is there a God and is there an afterlife.
"It just makes me so mad, because I really don't know!" grimaced the heiress. "I want to find out. So what if I blow up the world. No big loss."
Paris plans to blow up the world before January 20th.
"No one should have to suffer the stupidity of an Obama presidency. It's an act of kindness to end the world before that happens. In the meantime, I'm going shopping!" she laughed some more.