Written by Morse
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Wednesday, 31 December 2008

image for Uff Da Cruise Lines Names Dr. Kevorkian Cruise Director: "A Trip to Die For" Says Travel Channel!
Divers Survey Water Conditions Before Leaping Overboad on Ultimate Cruise To Nowhere: A Trip To Die For!

Bergen, Norway/ Cruiser News - In a follow up to their announcement of the new cruise ship, SS Bloat, detailed earlier in The Spoof, the iconoclast cruise line announced further enhancements for "the ultimate trip of a life-time", with the naming of Dr. Jack Kevorkian as Cruise Director.

The former pathologist, noted for his stand on assisted suicides, having helped 130 patients "along" their way, is said to be looking forward to the challenge. Aides say he is also excited about being left alone to pursue his advocation beyond the 3 mile limit, and therefore out of jurisdiction of prosecution from some unenlightened countries.

Cruise Line Commodore Erik Nils Petersen said the appointment would fill an industry niche and certainly increase bookings in the new year after the financial collapse of the world in 2008."It's better to have all these people who insist on jumping overboard while cruising under better control," he said.

Marketing Director Bjorn Bjornesen said advance bookings were soaring, with a traveller profile leaning toward executives formerly in the financial and auto industries. He said he expected eager travelers to be "jumping for joy" once the ship left its home port of Bergen, and reached the 3 mile territorial limit.

Cod fisherman, whose home port is in the Shetland Isles, with their boats that customarily ply Norwegian waters, have voiced some concern that their nets may become fouled with suicidal cruisers. Green Peace has offered to refit the Cod Fisherman with environmentally friendly nets, similar to turtle nets, to permit the bloated remnants to pass through unscathed.

Social Director Sir Winston Poofster announced some special events for the one way travelers. "After all, they are paying full fare for a round trip ticket they are only going to punch half of", he said wistfully.

Specialty events are said to include:

  • Spam eating contest
  • Eat till you Sink Buffet attractions
  • Video Cams of your award winning dive for heirs

The cruise ship is currently being refitted with break away railings, teflon coated teak decks on the fan tail, and a 130 meter olympic diving board from
deck 28.

Passengers will also be spared the mandatory life boat drill upon joining the ship, now considered unnecessary by Dr. Kevorkian, and a relief to the crew.

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