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Tuesday, 30 December 2008

image for Supernanny Jo Frost to broker Middle East peace deal
Violence erupts in the Middle East

LONDON, U.K. - Violence has again erupted in the Middle East, leaving at least 375 dead in Gaza. Jo Frost, star of the hit reality TV series Supernanny, responded to the violence saying, "These people are obviously over-stimulated. Someone needs to let them know that this is not a game. This behavior is absolutely unacceptable."

Frost is known for her ability to bring peace to such war zones as the Orm, Jeans, Bullard, Christiansen and Collins households.

The no-nonsense English nanny was not surprised when bloodshed ensued after a tenuous Egypt-brokered peace agreement between Hamas and Israel expired on December 19. "I think I've seen enough," she said. "This has got to stop - it's time to address this aggression."

Before day's end, Frost was on a plane to the area. Yesterday, she addressed a large group of various Israeli and Hamas leaders, telling them, "I can't believe this is going on. I suspect what you all need is some time to reflect on this behavior. So, if I see any more missiles flying, I'm going to send you all to 'the naughty zone.' Do you understand?"

Everyone in the room sulked, some could be seen looking around the room, twiddling their thumbs and playing with their hair, and Israeli Foreign Minister Tzipi Livni stuck her tongue out, but no one answered. So Frost deepened her voice, saying more assertively, "Can you hear me? I know you're listening. Any more of this behavior and you're all going to get a time out. Now, I want you to play nicely."

With that, the Supernanny excused everyone in the room. Moments later, air strikes resumed, mortar fire ensued, and several structures were leveled, including a foreign ministry building. Frost immediately swung into action, rounding up Israeli and Hamas leaders, addressing them in a firm tone and making direct eye contact, seating them in designated areas to consider the consequences of their actions. Even Israeli Defense Minister Ehud Barak, who kicked and screamed for several minutes, was eventually subdued and sent to a neutral area to "think about what he had done," though he cried and sobbed most of the afternoon.

"You must understand," explained Frost to a CNN reporter, "that if you warn someone there will be consequences and then don't follow through, it's almost as if you're telling them it's okay to behave that way. But it's not. It's about time someone confronted them with some harsh truths."

Dr. O. B. Haive, a noted American child psychologist, agrees with Frost's methods. He added that the United States reinforces what he calls a "sibling rivalry." He explains, "These two cultures have grown up very close to each other, but since 1949, 'little brother' Palestine's needs have been neglected. They legitimately would like to have a space of their own, but the United States favors their 'big brother' Israel. This encourages them to lash out for the attention they crave. Israel in turn is allowed to bully them, usually without consequences. That's why the fighting has continued for so long - no one has shown them that fighting is not an acceptable way to resolve conflicts or given them alternative ways of handling such sibling conflicts. I hope Jo can help."

True to Supernanny form, Frost says that "they both need to have space of their own and the individual attention they need to grow, mature, and support each other. We can do our part to encourage teamwork by planning fun activities that they can all share together. Teaching positive ways to get the attention they need is so very important." If the two parties can behave themselves tomorrow, Frost promises both will be appropriately awarded with a much needed period of peace and relaxation.

Skeptics who have grown used to constant violence in the Middle East have their doubts whether Frost's methods will succeed. Fans of Jo Frost insist these skeptics have obviously never seen an episode of Supernanny. "If anyone can bring peace to the Middle East," they say, "the Supernanny can."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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