Written by matwil
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Topics: Israel, Palestine

Monday, 29 December 2008

image for A Happy New Year from Israel
'Hope there's a car bomb in this, Leila.' 'Hope it's an air strike, Ehud'

Today the people of Israel wished their Palestinian brethren a Happy New Year.

Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert said: 'We've enjoyed the colourful rockets that Hamas have generously been sending us, to light up the sky for the last few weeks, and thought we'd do something for them in return. So now we're rebuilding some of their hospitals, and even mosques, to show them our appreciation for their delightful presents.'

One reporter asked him: 'I know few people round here celebrate Christmas, but aren't new hospitals and mosques a bit over the top? I mean, why not just do what everyone else does, and just give the Palestians some chocolates and a few pairs of cheap socks?'

'No, no', Mr. Olmert replied, 'if Hamas go to all the trouble of sending us surprise gifts of rockets - and they're always surprise ones! - we must show equal courtesy, and rebuild a few of their hospitals for them. And if they need patients for these hospitals, well, it would only be the decent thing to do to create a few for them, we know they'll thank us with tears in their eyes for all this.'

From the Gaza, Hamas spokeswoman Leila Khaled said: 'We thank you, people of Israel, with the deepest sincerity. And we know that if we come under attack from a few crap rockets that could hardly break a window, our Israeli friends will launch massive air strikes against the perpetrators, killing hundreds of civilians. With friends like Israel, we need no other friends.'

And Ehud Olmert added: 'And we thank the Palestinians too, we know that if we are attacked by car bombs and suicide bombers then our Arab friends will find the perpetrators, and use the full weight of the law against the murderous criminals. With friends like the Palestinians, our cup overfloweth with joy.'

Mr. Olmert and Miss Khaled were seen walking off into the sunset, hand in hand. 'Weren't you a terrorist once, Leila?' 'Sure was! Saved a fortune on air fares! Weren't your family terrorists once, Ehud?' 'Sure were, Hamas could learn a thing or two from us! Merry Christmas, Leila.' 'Merry Christmas, Ehud.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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