Hollywood - The Hollywood hills were rocked by an explosion last night reported to be an assassination attempt on the actor Tom Cruise. Cruise is unhurt and saved himself from certain death by jumping over a couch at the last second based on a premonition and years of Hollywood training to leap away from fireball explosions.
Famed film critic Roger Ebert has been taken into custody for questioning as the prime suspect based on a recent poor review of Cruise's recent movie Valkyrie.
Ebert insists he is innocent, "I've given bad reviews to many actors. I harbour no personal animosity towards Cruise or his family and certainly would not think of blowing him up with a bomb."
While Ebert may have only been doing his job there is no doubt the tide of public opinion has turned for the once popular actor and Top Gun.
Cruise for his part is not helping his case. Tongues are wagging that his wife Katie Homes is so emaciated she appears to be a refugee from a concentration camp.
Crowds have gathered in public squares of major cities throughout the world protesting Cruise by burning piles of CD's of his old movies like "Risky Business."
The investigation continues.