Vatican City-- Pope Benedict XVI dismissed Catholicism on Christmas and resigned from the Holy See. The former pontiff said he was a 'Pastafarian' and recommended everyone follow The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. He said Christianity just wasn't working out and it was time for "something new, like, different and stuff."
The former pope spoke from the papal balcony in Vatican City to millions of Christmas pilgrims.
"It's like, you know, time for a change, man. So I've decided God is really the Flying Spaghetti Monster and his son is Osama bin Spaghettios. So, I'm gonna be a Pastafarian and stuff and continue to smoke great weed, just like I do now!" he laughed from the balcony at the stunned crowd.
"You can all keep the same holidays and stuff, man. There's no pressure or hype. Everyone should just chill. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is a real cool dude. I don't know about the Osama dude!" he laughed again. The former pontiff then sucked long on a nearby bong and blew smoke rings at the crowd. He then ordered a spaghetti dinner and laughed at nothing for ten minutes and had a few more hits from his bong.
The College of Cardinals was immediately convened. All the Cardinals agreed with the former pontiff. They all agreed to keep their current jobs and their spaghetti-sauce coloured robes. They all ordered a spaghetti dinner too.
"Bong hits for Jesus!" hysterically laughed the former pope to himself. "And bong hits for the Flying Spaghetti Monster." he laughed again.