Chicago, Il/ Medical Journal - The scientific and political world was stunned today when a genetic scientist came forward to reveal the REAL story behind the Legend of Barack Hussein Obama's birth origin.
Helmut Schiessmann, a retiring geneticist working on a medical grant garnered by the University of Chicago in 1960 and originating with Liberal Billionaire George Soros, emerged to finally clarify the mystery of the President Elect's birth and mythical ability to unite and enthrall the masses.
Professor Schiessmann, working in relative obscurity in a remote lab on the UC campus, said he was moved to come forward after reading all the recent frenetic and incorrect facts concerning the controversy surrounding Obama's heritage.
Most of the media buzz has been generated by the world's leading information supplier, The Spoof.com., which has only recently supplanted The New York Times as the world's most inaccurate and spoof laden news source.
Schiessmann,94, was a former assistant to Dr. Josef Mengele, known during WW II as the Angel of Death for his genetic experiments to create a super race.
Working with Mengele's notes, after being repatriated by the OSS after the war, and later turned over to the direction of the CIA, Schiessmann said he worked non stop to create a "more benign Hitler- like" figure to emerge and lead the unification of the World.
The Professor said he collaborated with South Korean and Chinese leaders in the cloning field, and they ultimately came up with a working model they named "Barack".
Schiessman said the working model is "almost perfect" citing recent hysterical crowds that inundated Barack during his love fest in Berlin where flag waving,screaming supporters set bigger records then in 1940's Nuremberg.
Similarities abound to the world's best known despot....a recent $1B stimulus package for highway construction in Las Vegas got traffic flowing again, $17B in aid to the local auto industry will keep them open, much like VW in the '40s, and Barack buttons, flags, coins, wind up toys and fast food burgers named after the icon are proliferating. Local cities and towns can not keep up with city planners renaming streets and public buildings after the charismatic leader.
Schiessmann said the timing for the release of the "Barack" prototype was perfect, referencing depression era times in 1938 Germany:
- Banks Failing
- Companies going bankrupt
- Unemployment at all time high
- National pride trampled
- Political unrest
- World Wide uprisings of starving people
- Energy Crisis
Schiessmann said he will be watching the progress of "Barack" during the coming inaugural year. "We hope he works out," he said, "but if not we have 2 or 3 more upgraded and improved models ready for release."
Schiessmann discounted claims that "Barack" could not serve due to questions concerning his birth place. "Nonsense!" he said," our model is a creation of the world, and as such his birth place is everywhere and nowhere. And besides, he will soon rule the whole world, making the question moot."