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Monday, 22 December 2008

image for Romania Sets Silly Season Record
Flash frozen convict does a bunk

Almost 50,000 people in the Romanian capital of Bucharest have set a new record for the most clots dressed as Santa Claus.

A total of 49,826 red and white clad clunts with flowing snowy beards gathered in front of the city's parliament building, presenting festive gifts to the homeless and unemployed politicians waiting in a jobseekers allowance queue.

Observed and scored by Ms. Tally McStout of the Guinness World Records organisation, they paraded through the cobbled streets handing out seasonally-wrapped gifts, economically recycled from the city's main landfill site.

Lucky recipients received parcels containing such traditional Romanian Christmas treats as a mouse in a bottle, artistically-contorted wire coat hangers, and selection boxes of honey-filled cockroaches coated in crunchy smoked squirrel shit.

Romania hopes to break other records during the Christmas - New Year week's holiday, including a night-time laser lights display of 10,000 flash frozen convicts impersonating snowmen, willing to risk hypothermia while vying for an early release parole prize.

"It's Christmas spirit, we're all better and more generous this time of year," the Bucharest Weekly Shitraker quoted Mayor Soddin Osprey as saying. "I've even paid my Albanian au pair girl half of the two years back salary I owe her."

Mayor Osprey told Romania's Radio Active the city was also planning on attempting to set a Guinness record with the world's largest sausage but due a breakdown at the King Wenceslas Dobberdork condom factory, producing the sausage skins, this project had been postponed.

However he was optimistic that the world's longest Christmas cake, which is currently being mixed and baked in the freshly-drained Danube-Bucharest canal, will attain its intended 73 kilometre successful conclusion with a full coating of marzipan and icing.

Awarding Mayor Osprey the coveted Santa record trophy, Tally McStout of the Guinness World Records told the press "They've really made a fabulous effort. Some of the women Santas have been growing their beards since July."

The event easily broke a previous record of 39,618 simultaneously gift-giving Santas set in Taiwan, in 2003, who paraded through Taipei greeting tourists and spectators alike with the traditional Chinese Xmas rice cake and a happy face kick in the shins.

A similar event in Lagos, Nigeria, last year, turned into a disaster when the Santa parade of 27,000 unemployed 419 scam artists went on a looting rampage, picking pockets, mugging tourists and gutting several major department stores of all stock, including the light fittings and doors.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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