Written by matwil
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Friday, 19 December 2008

image for Bush Thrown To The Lions By Christians
'Wrong theatre, pal - take a left after the WMDCXVIII Illusion shrine.'

Today, in Rome, President George W Bush was thrown to the lions by a group of devout Christians.

'It had to happen', the Right Reverend Ludicrus Pompey said, 'Bush had turned our religion into a laughing stock, and not even a very highly-priced stock either.'

Archbishop Montessori O'Cannelonio added: 'The President needed the ultimate punishment, after being responsible for mass-murdering thousands of Iraqis for oil while he was claiming to be a Christian! Jesus ...'

The ceremony was officiated by His Holiness Herr Adolphus von Massacritz and his second-in-command Villagio Holokostio, and the Holy Cats of Ibroxium were released by lion-tamer Alexei V'rrgznn at exactly 3 p.m., as Mr. Bush stood in the centre of the Circus Minumus amphitheatre grinning like a retarded monkey.

At first the felines didn't know what to do, as usually their victims are armed and brave enough to attack the lions with swords and knives, but the President just carried on grinning, and shouted 'I expect the floor show will turn up somewhere!' to the crowd of thousands of Roman spectators.

But then the big cats put Bush out of his misery, and ate him in a record speed of three minutes and two seconds. 'Referee!!!', V'rrgznn screamed from the lion pens, 'come AWN!!!! Foul!!', as is always traditionally shouted by the Holy Blue Nose of Traffordium at such sporting events.

Next week there will be a Christmas spectacular at the Circus, with a cast of thousands - including Antonio Blairophantius, and the legendary beauty Helen of Triplex Cheriprno - to reenact the ethnic-cleansing of the Former Yugoslavia. 'Yep, should be a good show', O'Cannelonio said, 'we're kidnapping thousands of Muslims to get that perfect bain-d'ethnique effect - last year's Desert Storm Massacre special never really got it right, did it?'

S P Q R

[Pssst, wanna buy some tickets? Bung us a few denarii, mate, and I can get you in to the Invisible WMDCXVIII Illusion Show, hosted by twins Rumulus and Pinocchius. I 'ad that Caligula in the back of me chariot once, 'e didn't 'alf pen and ink!]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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