Written by Gurmeet Mattu
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Topics: Hitler, Mustache

Tuesday, 16 December 2008

image for Hitler's Moustache Found
Fakes are abundant, and come in many colours

Hitler's moustache has been found in the city of Kiev. It is in the hands of Ukrainian Igor Abigun who inherited it from his grandfather who was serving with the Third Ukrainian Front of the Red Army when they swept into Berlin in 1945.

"My grandfather may have been from Kiev, but he was no chicken," said Igor. "He and his comrades found Hitler's bunker and the spot where the fascist dictator's body was found. It was supposed to have been burnt but fragments remained, one of which was the moustache and my grandfather, who suffered from mild kleptomania, took it. It has been in our family ever since."

The moustache has long been sought after by neo-Nazi groups who claim it has mystical powers and is a necessary symbol for the formation of the fourth reich. But Igor insists that he will never sell it to fascists and mocks the idea that it has any powers, though he admits to strong urges to invade Poland whenever he handles the relic. To guard against fascist bids when Igor places it on ebay, bidders will be required to sing the full version of the Internationale.

The moustache will be going as part of a job lot along with a pair of Eva Braun's unter-knickers and a signed copy of the Joseph Goebbels Book of Lies.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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