Talk about the worst luck ever - a man with a life-threatening allergy to shit landed smack bang in the middle of the sacred Ganges river after a skydiving accident went wrong.
Jerry Pittpox, 32, was hoping to raise some cash for blind, deaf, mute orphans in New York by jumping from an airplane at 20,000 ft. But a terrible storm blew the aircraft off course - by 5,000 miles. Jerry landed in the shittiest river in the World.
"It couldn't have been any worse", said the doctor treating Jerry, "it was right at the time of the annual 'everyone shit in the river festival'".
The Ganges is sacred to Hindus who travel from all over India to have a wash in shit, clean their cows asses of shit and wash monkeys.
Jerry's head swelled up like a big lump of cauliflower and he lost the use of his tongue, little finger and buttocks.
"To a man afraid of shit, falling into the shittiest river in the smelliest, dirtiest nation on Earth ranks at pretty highly", said a man licking a lollipop.