Baghdad, Iraq - Members of the Oddjob family hung their heads in shame as news of their prodigal son, Muntadar-Sakata Oddjob, used his shoes, instead of his hat, to attack President George W. Bush at a press conference in Iraq yesterday.
"We always knew he wasn't the brightest one in the family," said a member of the Oddjob family, asking not to be identified. "But we had our hopes that someday he would step into his fathers shoes and takeover the family business of being a trained 007 exotic adversary."
The Oddjob family speculates that may have been the problem.
"I guess we put too much pressure on the boy," continued the Oddjob family member. "He must have forgotten his training, mistaking the metaphor of stepping into his father's shoes, foregoing the family tradition to use hats only. But then again, it was his first paid undercover assassination mission."
"It was no mistake," said a defiant Muntadar-Sakata Oddjob from his prison cell in downtown Baghdad. "My family just doesn't understand that it's a whole new world out there. Nor do they understand my decision to be the world's first pacifist assassin. It's a personal choice. And that shoes are the way of the future as far as less than lethal weapons go in the new character assassination profession."
Muntadar-Sakata Oddjob says he personally prefers "Bostonians" for the aerodynamic lift they provide.
"They're not harsh on my feet, either. And a pair of black ones, or even dark brown, will go with any almost any color suit," claims Muntadar-Sakata Oddjob. "After all you want to go with the less than lethal weapon that is both comfortable and stylish, especially after standing on your feet all day waiting for the client to appear at a news conference and take the podium as you pose as a reporter in a press pool."
According to Muntadar-Sakata Oddjob, the code of character assassins is to use only less than lethal weapons. As the mission is not to assassinate the client, but to assassinate their character, humiliating them by throwing a pair of shoes (or other available apparel) at them
Muntadar-Sakata Oddjob also claims "Wingtips" are not too bad either, if you are going for that whole classic 1920's mobster hit man look.
"You'll probably want to use some spats with that," said Muntadar-Sakata Oddjob. "But I wouldn't recommend it, they cause too much drag, messing up your aim. Trust me, I know."