Handbagdad, Iraq - US President George W Bush declared both his presidency and his wardrobe completed today when an Iraqi journalist hurled shoes at him during a press conference on his farewell visit to the war-torn country.
Ducking behind the podium, Mr Bush avoided a direct hit on the head as he stood next to an anxious Iraqi prime minister Nouri al-Makiki. "At least they were my size," commented Mr Bush. "The ones thrown at me in New York and London turned out to be every size and shape except for size 10."
Critics of Mr Bush's world-wide farewell tour in the waning days of his presidency have compared it to the Republican Party spending $150,000 in upmarket designer stores on dressing Sarah Palin for the part of their vice presidential nominee in the recent election.
"It's shameful," decried government watchdog spokesperson Ralph Nitt. "I know we're in a world economic recession, but for the standing US president to go globe-trotting in Air Force One just to collect a wardrobe of clothes thrown at him is deplorable conduct, even by George W Bush standards. I'd like to kick him up the backside with that huge carbon footprint."
Mr Nitt added, "At least when the Republicans tarted up Sarah Palin with all those expensive designer clothes during the campaign, they actually paid cash for them and got receipts so they could return them after she lost. But this stunt by Bush is nothing more than vagrancy and begging. He should be charged with being a public nuisance."
When Mr Bush was in China recently, protesters threw t-shirts and underwear at him. In Beijing, construction workers attempted to hurl the city's landmark CCTV headquarters building, sarcastically nicknamed 'Big Underwear' because of its suggestive design, at Mr Bush.
"He's the biggest a**hole we ever met, so we thought 'Big Underwear' would fit him," explained construction worker, Y Front.
On the US leg of his farewell tour, in Boston outraged Beantown citizens chucked red socks at the outgoing president while in Chicago, he got pelted with white socks.
Declaring he was color-blind, Mr Bush thanked both audiences anyway and said he would proudly wear their socks. An aide then explained to him that they were actually willy-warmers.
"He's such a dick," commented the aide.
On his recent trip to Mexico, President Bush was invited to a necktie party hosted by high level government officials and drug lords.
"We thought we had him," explained a disappointed Sr Juan Carlos Bowtie, "but the cheap bastard was wearing a clip-on tie when we tried to tighten the knot."
"We won't be fooled again by that when Obama comes down here to try to dismantle the Tratado de Libre Comercio de América del Norte (NAFTA)."
Numerous law suits have been hurled at the outgoing president on various stopovers of his farewell tour. "I've got enough suits to last me a lifetime," declared a beaming Mr Bush, albeit on low-beams.
"I particularly like the crimes against humanity suit thrown at me in The Hague," said Mr Bush proudly. "It fits me to a 'T' and they said they'd throw in the cuffs for free. Speaking of which, Tony Blair and I are cut of the same cloth, but I told him if he wants to borrow The Hague suit, he'll just have to get one for himself."
Now that Mr Bush has completed his world-wide wardrobe collection tour, he has said that he feels he has accomplished everything he set out to do as president.
"Not every president can say they've been suited and booted out of office," said a proud Mr Bush, tapping the floor with the souvenir cane presented to him in Singapore following his recent caning.
Human rights group Amnesty International condemned President Bush's caning in Singapore, saying it was not cruel, inhuman or degrading enough punishment.
"If he shows up at Amnesty, we'll throw more than shoes at him," promised AI spokesperson Barb Wire. "All that SOB should be wearing is a hairshirt by way of mortification and penance."