ANGOLA - Excessive diet soda use here has filled graveyards with corpses - corpses toxic to worms. The FFA, Future Farmers of Africa, are afraid that there will be no worms left, since worms are being killed by the toxin after attempting to eat the dead here.
In a bizarre twist, fish are on the increase here, since bait is in short supply. Biologists are lamenting the ecological destruction wreaked by the unintended consequences of the sweetener usage.
"On the other hand, I'm hooked on diet orange soda, and I'm not giving it up. Worms be <Bleeped>.", commented the head of the FFA. He had never read this story about aspartame.