Written by Irish In America
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Topics: Santa, Jewish

Tuesday, 9 December 2008

image for Santa Claus jailed for discrimination against Jews , but cleared of War Crimes
Artists impression of Santa Claus in 1941.

The Hague, Belgium: One of the centuries biggest and most sensational political trails came to a conclusion Tuesday when North Pole resident Santa Claus was found guilty of discrimination against people of the Jewish religion.

It had been alleged that for centuries Claus had openly and flagrantly discriminated against Jewish people under the ages of 15, based solely on their religion, using the cover of an altruistic magical spirit to spread anti-Semitic hatred across the earth.

Delivering her verdict, Judge Diana Benjamin told a red faced Claus, "Your crime is all the more despicable as it was the children you struck out against, depriving them of presents that their Christian and even atheist friends found under their trees every December 25th. This court has stopped your reign of terror and children the world over will celebrate its findings for time immemorial."

Prosecutors had unsuccessfully tried to add a host of war crimes to the charges brought against Claus. They alleged that Santa Claus was a pseudonym for Kris Kringle, a German Nazi conspirator who coined the term Blitzkrieg - the German battle strategy of Shock and Awe - after his pet reindeer Blitzen, and who also befriended a shadowy figure called Rudolph, alleged to be Rudolph Hess.

The prosecution said that they were disappointed that none of the war crimes charges had been successful. They had brought forward several witnesses who stated that they had seen Claus in the vicinity of Hitler's Berlin HQ on the night of December 25th from 1933 to 1944, but Claus's defense team - led by the diminutive Mr. Elf - produced various other witnesses who alleged they saw him at the same time in places as far away as North America, Australia and China.

While being taken down, Claus was heard to shout, "I would have gotten away with it if it wasn't for you pesky yids."

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