Written by rfreed
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Sunday, 7 December 2008

image for Iraqis Create Union For Suicide Bombers
Boys of the Baghdad Boffo Bomber Brigade.

Today union minded Iraqis formed Suicide Bombers Locale #467 in Baghdad but had to promptly look for a new union hall as a couple of the members brought their work in with them. Sitting outside the smoldering building the surviving members passed an ordinance stating that all bombs in the future must be left outside the front door along with their shoes when entering. The lone dissenting voter was beheaded.

Troubles did not end here, though. Neighbors of the new hall on 76 Virgins Lane complained about the loud exhortations of "Death To America!", "Long Live Bin Laden!" and "Which Idiot Ordered Ham On The Pizza?" that went on deep into the night. After the neighbors were all executed things settled down until some neighborhood brats thought it would be fun to steal one of the vest bombs by the front door and play "I'm a Jihadist" at the local mosque. Local #467 had to look for new accommodations after the mosque Mullahs not only had them thrown out but excommunicated as well.

After a very difficult reorganizing in which members converted to Zoroastrianism, the brats involved in the mosque debacle were outfitted and marched off to Falujah as 'volunteers' for the cause. At their new place on Rest In Pieces Street the union organizers adapted their new religion to their cause by strapping bombs on vultures (No, Zoroastrianism is not the worship of Zorro. It is a religion which leaves its deceased on towers to be consumed by vultures. Aren't you glad you asked?). Unfortunately, most of the victims of the vulture's bombs were people who were already dead.

Meetings at the new hall in one of the 'bird buffet' towers came to a violent end because vultures are very much like carrier pigeons and return home when their bombs have a delayed fuse with too much of a delay on them.

Their numbers dwindling and being excommunicated from Zoroastrianism as well, the union reorganized and converted to Jainism. This move unfortunately caused great dissent as Jains believe in not causing harm to any creature. This dogma frustrated some members to the point of blowing themselves up with no one around. Others were so annoyed that they made sure they took the policy makers out with them. Survivors realized they no longer had enough members to get a decent life insurance policy and voted to disband.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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