Moscow - (Bolshevik Ass Mess): Russian Prime Monster Vlad 'The Impaler' Putin has been caught shagging former Olympic 'artistic' gymnast Svetlana Vasilievna Khorkina, now a Deputy in the Russian State Duma.
Private detectives acting for Mrs Putin videoed the pair humping in the Kremlin Cabinet Orifice soon after the gymnasts's United Russia Party landslide election in 2007.
Since her official Olympic feats Khorkina, 29, has added artistic Kama Sutra technique gongs to the 'unprecedented' nine gold, eight silver, and three bronze World Championships medals.
"At 1.65 m (5'8") this 32DD-22-32 bottle blonde probably needs a stepladder for midget-arse Putin shagathons," Russian tennis ace Maria Sharapova commented today.
"Some reckon her "Somersaults on High Heels" autobiography is dedicated to the success of weaning Putin off the traditional Russian male's obsession with the missionary position," Sharapova added helpfully.
Khorkina is now scaling the heights in her political career and has just been given the grace and favor position of vice-president of the Duma committee for youth.
A spokesperson for her orifice said today that Khorkina is now perfecting the political equivalent of her signature 'front giant to hop release and regrasp of the (uneven) bars in the hex (hect??) position', also known as a 'Markelov' in the men's code of points.
"I expect that means she's already shagging President Dim Eatery Medvedev," Our Man In Bloodyvostock said today.