Written by Jalapenoman
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Topics: Zoo, polar bear, Knut, berlin

Thursday, 4 December 2008

image for Knut the Polar Bear Evicted From Berlin Zoo
Can Knut's family find a place for him anywhere?

Knut the Polar Bear, who made headlines two years ago after being rejected by his mother, bottle fed by some zoo workers, and almost euthanized by others, now faces eviction from the Berlin Zoo. According to Zoo officials, there is no room for him and no age appropriate female mate.

Animal activists, however, see the situation differently. Said Michael Downs of Greenpeace, "see, it's all about color. Knut is a white polar bear, and white just isn't very popular right now. You can blame that all on the United States electing Barack Obama as president. If Knut was a black bear or even a honey bear, they would find room for him. It's reverse discrimination."

No European Zoos were willing to take a chance on offending the President Elect before he took office.

The San Francisco Zoo, in the United States, said that they might be able to provide a home for Knut, but that his companion would be another male bear (and probably not a polar bear) in keeping in line with their philosophy of racial and gender freedom.

The National Zoo in Washington, D.C. was also out as even pictures of famous Brown Bear Smokey were being taken down and replaced with pictures of black bears.

The Central Park Zoo in New York City was also out of the question due to not wanting more bears around the current stock market situation.

Zoos in South Africa also did not want to get in trouble with the U.N. for spending money on a white bear that they would not spend equally on bears of other colors.

One place that has offered to house Knut is Jimmy's Meat Market in Fairbanks, Alaska. "Sure, we'll take him," said Jimmy Sanders. "Sarah Palin likes bear steaks almost as much as moose stew, and he's still at that nice and tender stage."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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