Written by David David
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Thursday, 4 December 2008

image for Live Baby Found in Manger
Frank Incense (2nd from left) helped solve mystery of live baby found in German church nativity scene

Bethleheim, Germany - A parish priest was shocked to find a live baby boy in the manger of his church's Christmas nativity scene today.

Father Visual Halle-Lucinations made the shocking discovery in the early hours of the morning as he entered St Spoof's Catholic church.

"I came into the church for my morning prayers and to feed the donkey and lambs in the nativity scene," explained Fr Halle-Lucinations. "Luckily I looked into the manger before filling it with fresh straw for the donkey's breakfast and there he was; a bouncing baby boy!"

Parishioner Phoebe Phobia, who portrays the Virgin Mary in St Spoof's nativity scene, said she doesn't know how the baby got into the manger.

"Father Halle-Lucinations usually doesn't put the baby into the crib until Midnight Mass on Christmas eve. I don't know how it got there last night," said a bewildered Phoebe. "I must have dozed off; he made me ride that donkey here all the way from Galilee."

Parishioner Joseph (last name unknown), who portrays Joseph (last name unknown) in St Spoof's nativity scene was likewise bewildered by the discovery of the live baby boy in the manger.

"We got in late from Nazareth and couldn't find a room anywhere here in Bethleheim that would take our donkey," explained Joseph. "So when the kind priest allowed us to stay here in the church, we were very thankful."

"After I bedded down Mary, I bedded the donkey, had a cigarette, and then slept soundly the rest of the night," said Joseph piously. "Beats me where the kid came from."

The town of Bethleheim is abuzz with rumours about the miracle baby found in their church's nativity scene.

Bethleheim Backerei owner Hans Wascher is capitalising on the sensational event by baking pretzels in the shape of the miracle baby. "They're selling like hot cakes!" exclaimed Herr Wascher. "Everyone wants a bite of him."

There has also been a rash of sightings of religious apparitions in and around Bethleheim since the discovery of the live baby boy in St Spoof's Christmas nativity scene.

One devout woman reported seeing the face of sweet baby Jesus when she changed her own infant son's diaper. Another parishioner has taken a photo of what is claimed to be the annunciation by the Archangel Gabriel to Mary of her immaculate conception that mysteriously appeared in a crock of sauerkraut. A third apparition appeared as the star of Bethlehem atop someone's Christmas tree.

"All I know is that this baby in our nativity scene is a Christmas miracle," glowed Fr Visual Halle-Lucinations. "How else can you explain it?"

An explanation has come, however from the Germans portraying the Three Wise Men in the Bethleheim nativity scene. Frank Incense, from East Bethleheim, has told authorities that he, along with Barry Gold and Sticky Myrrh are cast as the Three Kings this year at the church.

"We had just arrived at the church stable. Since Mary, Joseph and the donkey were sleeping, we took care of our camels, switched on the CCTV and went to sleep in the unused confessionals," explained Herr Incense.

"With all the commotion about the discovery of the live baby in the manger the next morning, it completely slipped our minds to check the CCTV footage of the night before," said a wise Herr Incense, hitting the 'play back' button.

Soon a grainy image emerged on the video screen explaining the true origins of the miracle baby boy discovered in St Spoof's nativity scene as several angels slowly descending on a ray of light and gently placed the baby in the manger whilst everyone slept soundly.

As the angels ascended again, one of them said to the camera, "if you believe this, you probably also believe the astronauts landed on the moon."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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