It's official! Santa Claus' North Pole elf workers are a bunch of stupid little annoying bastards.
The miniature freaks toil all day and night in cramped workshops in sub-zero temperatures for the Christmas season but still find time to appear in Santa grotto's and have their stupid, irritating little bastard pug-nosed faces splashed across cards and calendars.
"Nobody likes little people to begin with but little folks prancing and dancing around like juvenile twats on acid is really a nuisance", said the proprietor of a Christmas decorations store, "bastards!".
So shit are elves that they aren't even as cool as reindeer. They don't even have names; just generic, pixie-ish little shits with wooden mallets.
"And what exactly do they do with those wooden mallets?", asked one concerned woman, "Toys are held together with screws and glue. I bet they don't even make the toys themselves. Useless little bastards!".