Written by winston_smith
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Topics: Santa

Tuesday, 2 December 2008

image for North Pole Pedophile Ring Broken
May have been getting his jollies?

North Pole: In what North Pole police are saying is a massive child porn and pedophilia bust, Santa Claus, aka Christopher Kringle, of North Pole has been arrested.

"Currently this case is under investigation and the collection of evidence is continuing," said Captain Iluak Pukak of the North Pole police. "We've seized a vast computer data bank with over 200 million children's names and addresses. It was extremely elaborate and overwhelming in scope, complete with secretly installed video cameras. He could see them when they were sleeping, he knew when they were awake."

Apparently a particular fetish with Mr. Kringle was their pouting or crying as this would make him come to their town.

Parents all over the world are shocked and in disbelief.

"I want to believe, but, you know as an adult I just can't," said Dr. Phil O'Hanlon as his daughter Virginia looked on unknowingly. "Ya know, she use to get up on his knee, he'd bounce her up and down, laughing all the time. Gawd," he trailed off.

" There was just something, well, weird about him. I mean, the costume, and the jolly stuff. He was a large man who was always with kids, giving them gifts and hugs and stuff. You know just a little too friendly? Never saw him with a woman. Then he'd give us a little wink or a nod, I imagine his own little joke, and off he'd go."

Captain Pukak reiterated," This is a classic case, you have a friend of the family, you trust them, you'd never suspect, but then, in hindsight, all the pieces come together. Kringle had a bag full of toys, he'd lure the child with. The big black belt, boots, reindeer? All kinky accouterments to his own sick world. Then feeling the power over the powerless he'd ask them if they've been good. Well, of course the victim is going to accede to his demand. They would do anything to prove 'good'. Then??? Whose going to believe the child afterwards? I find it unbelievable myself."

Kringle's attorneys initially sought all charges to be dropped as they state a case of mistaken identity, in specific, he's not the 'real' Santa. Judges denied bail on fear of flight by the pursuant.

Kringle, in North Pole County Correction awaiting his hearing, laughed off the charges, "Ho, ho, ho."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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